You know what they say..."Timing is Everything." This has been the perfect time for me to reflect and remember this part of my journey. Where to start....for as long as I can remember I struggled with my weight. I grew up as an only girl in a house full of four boys, who were all thin, and could eat non stop. We all loved food, but for some strange reason I was the only one to gain weight??? I remember thinking all the time that "It's just not FAIR."
My dieting rollercoaster started pretty young, around 12. The summer before entering junior high I started a crazy liquid diet, it was terrible, but I did lose weight. Only to gain it all back plus some. Needless to say over the course of time I would say that I have tried most diets.
When I married my husband I was the heaviest I had ever been. At the time I remembered thinking that at least I would always know that he didn't marry me for my hot body, LOL!!! Soon we began the dieting world together. It seemed like as soon as I was on a roll I would get pregnant and after the birth would have to start all over again!! Over time I tried to convince my self that I was just not a skinny person, I was "Big Boned." Many days I would tell myself that being heavy wasn't the worst thing...That it was just MY burden. I gave up many times, but it wouldn't be long before some cute little skinny thing would walk on by, and all those yucky feelings would come rushing back . Again I would recommit to some kind of crazy weight loss program. I was always drawn to the "Lose 10 Lbs in 3 days" schemes, I didn't have time for the traditional diets, I had a lot of weight to lose and it had to be quick and NOW!!!!
When I became pregnant with my fourth child I knew it would be my final pregnancy so I decided that I was going to "Live it UP" This was going to be the last time in my life when I would not have to worry about my weight. And live it up I did!!! I was huge and miserable!! It wasn't so bad while I was pregnant, but it didn't take long for me to realize my choice to live it up would be a bad one!! Reality hit me right between the eyes quickly. My grandpa unexpectedly passed away and I had to try and find a dress to wear that wasn't maternity. That was a dark day, mirrors don't lie, especially the 3-way ones, OUCH!!!
So I again started some crazy liquid and pills diet. My sweet mother had obviously watched me spends years and years struggling with my weight, she was always supportive, but was concerned that I was always doing the lose weight yesterday diets. She too had struggled with her weight I will never forget the day she came home and announced that she had pre paid and signed BOTH of us for 10 weeks at Weight Watchers. I was hesitant to say the least, that diet is for old people, it's too slow, it won't work for me, I had all the excuses!!! But it was a done deal so I knew I was going to have to give it a try.
It was hard at first to be eating foods I had previously considered "Forbidden". I can remember my first weigh in and thinking that the scale would finally prove to her that this plan didn't work for me, well I was wrong I had lost 2 lbs. and was shocked!!! The words that best describe the next few months would have to be slow but sure!! I really couldn't believe it, I was eating real food and losing weight, it wasn't even painful!!
I remember when I was approaching the weight that I thought was my goal, (cuz remember I had convinced myself that I was not a skinny person, I had BIG BONES!!) I was talking with one of my great friends and she asked me what my goal weight was and I gave her my answer and she said, Why would you stop there?? I tried to convince her that that was the lowest my body would go, and she said, Well, if that's what you think, then you are probably right!!! She kind of challenged me, and I again I was wrong. It is amazing what we will tell ourselves to survive. I had spent all those years convincing myself that I I was not a skinny person, so that it wouldn't be as painful when I looked in the mirror.
I learned after losing 70lbs that I can be a skinny person if I want to be!!!! I realized that if I set my mind to something anything is possible. I remember thinking that I am the only one that can decide I can or can't do!!! I had never been more proud of my self, it was the greatest thing I had ever accomplished!!! But I also learned that there is no start-stop!! It is a never-ending Journey. I remember I wanted everyone to feel like I did, people used to tease me that it was my "Other" religion. I wanted to share what I had learned with everyone!! So there was no better way than to get a job with WW and that's what I did. It was my first job in 15 years, and I loved it!!! It reminded me that we are more alike than we might think.
I have to admit it was a lot of fun running into people I knew and seeing their reactions, it was a real high!!
Then we moved!!
At the time I didn't think anything of it, I was excited about a new adventure!!! But no one in my new town knew my story, and even when I finally would share it with them they didn't believe it, until I showed them some pictures!!!
My learning experience has not ended!! That is why I call it my Journey!!! I know that we all have different factors in our lives that trigger eating, and they don't go away. We just need to manage them!! And sometimes it's easier than others!! But I will never give up and now know that if I want it..I Can Do It!!!!! And so can you!!!
I have 3 daughter's and am so grateful that this is a lesson I can try to pass on to them!! But I also know that it is something that we all need to learn for ourselves.
